Night of Sex 7, from a Stand-up point of view.

Think of any teen movie you ever saw. Who is getting made fun of? The nerd right? Why? Dresses funny sure. Smart, that is always bad. I also bet they call him on being a virgin. What a loser.

Oh by the way I am a virgin. Yeah, really. Do you know how hard it is to be a virgin at 22? Well I'm 23. And you know what I get made fun of a lot, but it is usually by me so I guess it is okay.

You see Night of Sex 7 was last week. A show with a lot of history. You see at night of sex 4, all those years ago, I made my stand-up debut and killed. Since then I have become a staple in the show with a new set every year. Night of Sex 7 will be my last one so this is my Superbowl. This is my Woodstock. So I thought I would be lighter then I have been lately and tell you of the rush that I got from doing this show.

So before the show I hang out with the people. Many of them know me from past years. They tell me that they can't wait to see my set this year. Some go as far as to say that it is the reason they came. The pressure builds. To bomb is one thing. To bomb with 3 years of hype on top of it. That is killer. This is where the doubt kicks in. Can I deliver? I mean I have never told these jokes before, how can I even be sure they funny? Can I even remember those jokes? GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I run away. I hide and run my jokes over and over again. Each time they seem less funnier. Are they funny or do I just know them so well that they are not funny to me? Can't turn back now. Should I just do last years joke? It is a cop out but I rather impress the people who don't know me then disappoint everyone. GAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Remember when I said it was going to lighter? It is getting there.

I am on stage now, hosting. 4 acts till my stand-up. But since I am hosting people might be sick of me by then. Can't think about that now. Gotta do my hosting duties I have plenty of time to panic in the wings. "And now here is a song by Blink 182." GGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Just about to go on stage. Doing the new stuff. I can always bail early if things go south. This is the biggest crowd we have ever had for this show. But it still only like a 1/10 of everyone at Stockton. If I bomb I can just duck these people. Well here we go. Show time. GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

On stage. Mic in hand. I am the baddest mother f***er in the world. Once I am on stage. Once the cheer at my name all the stress falls away. I own the room. These people are going to laugh, because I know I am funny as hell. "I love being at Stockton. This is the only college where you can go down the street and find a corner with a bowling alley, a liquor store and a porn store on it. It's great, all of Stockton's favorite one armed sports in one place!" They laugh. I rule the day, and that was joke one.

Then I get into my personal life. "I just had my anniversary with my girl. I took her to the nicest bar I know of. She turns to me and says lets pretend we are strangers. I say sure.... So I am hitting on the bartender. My girlfriend say what are you doing? I am trying to get laid. Leave me alone. She said, Noah stop! How do you know my name! Stalker!" True story. People laugh. In the haze I hear the distant laugh of my girlfriend. My smile grows a little wider.

I then talk about my virginity. "When you get up you think, Today might be the day. I might get sex tonight. When I get up I think, Today might be the day. I might finally beat my old tetris high score. Yeah, the only thing I am fitting together that night are little blocks." The last part I came up with on the spot. It gets a laugh. I am on fire.

"I feel like a rockstar. Feel free to throw your pantys on the stage." I don't know why I say that. I was just in the moment and it came out. No one throws any panties. Bummed I move on.

I close mineing oral sex. A bit over the line for me, but I just went for it. The crowd goes nuts. I want to stay in this moment forever. I decide I want to try. I whip out my camera and ask the audience to squish together for a photo. The picture actually come out really well.

The rest of the show I am high as a kite. I am just buzzing around riding the adrenaline. I feel like I could fly if I wanted. Luckily I don't try. The show ends.

I go home with my girlfriend and we sit around to talk about the show. I take a deep breath and reflect. As I sit there I find it hard to remember what really happened. The adrenaline wears away as I try to think what jokes I did. I explain that it really is all a blur. I am really unsure if I told all my jokes or not. My girlfriend says really, cause you went like 10 mins over your time. Stunned, I look over my jokes. Turn out a skipped quite a few. My girlfriend asks me what the rockstar line was about. I turned and looked at her. "What rockstar thing." I ask. "You said you were a rockstar and that we should throw our underware on the stage." I only remember saying it after she remines me. "So, was it good?" I laugh. "You were really funny. You know that."
"Yeah I do, but I just wanted to be sure."
"Do you really not remember?"
"I do, but it all seemed so fast, and surreal. I just want to makes sure it was as good as it felt."

I hope that I captured the chaos of this. It really is the greatest high in the world. To stand infront of 300 some people and have them love you for it. It is crazy. I hope everyone has something in their life that can compare to this feeling. It is like flying. It is also really hard to exspress in words.