Your Average Unaverage Open Mic.

So I did my first open Mic in a while at the Stress Factory. I thought I would give a recap to show just how unpredictable these things are and what they can do to a comic's mind.

The place is packed like I have never seen and I know there are only 15 spots to give out. So the first panic session starts. Will my name be picked out of the hat. 5 bucks cover and an hour of driving for nothing. Well luckily I am picked and now I can panic about my set.

I am number 14.... out of 30. Due to the large number of people they double they usually have. So now we all have 3 minutes instead of 5. Time to rewrite!

Now the idea of the open mic is to do the new stuff. Why waste time using stuff I know works. I need to increase the size of the joke library and now is the time to do it. So all I gotta do is go up there and tell the new jokes... but no one wants to bomb, and there is a huge risk of bombing with new stuff. So I have known comics (myself included) who wuss out and do all old stuff so they know they can get a laugh. The way I get around it is I open with something I know works, the do the new stuff. This way I can feel good that I got them going before jumping into the deep end with the new stuff.

So the show starts and Skin and Bones member Adam Mamawala open the show for us and kills. That is some nice energy to get started. Now he was great, as was many others, but any comic will tell you it is hard to enjoy the show when you still have to preform. Just running though your jokes over and over again. It kinda sucks. As much as I hate going first, when the crowd is cold I feel better once it is over with, so I would rather go early.

Now the 10th guy is on stage. The crowd is a little tiered now, but still hanging in there. That is when the host drops the bomb... "Next is a very special treat because you have seen her on Comedy Central. Give it up for Bonnie Mcfarlane!" If you don't know who she is, she was the 1st person out on season 2 of Last Comic Standing, and that is a god damn crime because she is so funny. She did mostly crowd work and killed. She was able to make a guy feel like crap for having a BIG penis. That is nuts. (Get it? Penis? Nuts? Yeah she is funnier than me.)

So I think to myself that maybe after the show I will go hit on her, and then I can talk about how Bonnie Mcfarlane rejected me. Then I remember that she married Rich Vos. Damn. Oh crap here comes the host.

"We have another treat for you. Give it up for Rich Vos!" Well hitting on Bonnie is defiantly out now. So here we go. Rich Vos, who I just love. If you don't know him.... you suck. In any case he was season 1 of Last Comic Standing I want to say he came in 3rd or 4th. I love this guy. He is a jersey guy and is just awesome... usually. For a man of his talent, he basically bombed. The only things that worked was his old stuff. To add to the strangeness, he has his 3 year old daughter join him on stage and then I think he tried to make her swear. Very very strange. He then says something along the lines of, "Thanks a lot guys. I am going to the biggest comedy festival tomorrow and you people made me feel like crap." That's no joke. That sucks. No matter your skill level, bombing kills you.

So now we go back to armatures and I am blown away that they were just here. They each did like 10 minutes. Awesome. Ok back to business and.... my jokes are not that funny to me any more. Am I going to bomb in fromt of to comics I idealize? Fuck that! Switching to the A- material. Time to rewrite again.

Ok, luck number 13 is on stage. I am next. Gotta get pumped. I am comfortable with my sets lets do this! Hey look it is Rich Vos... and he is leaving. Damn it. No reason to do the a-set. Got 3 minutes to rewrite the new stuff in. Lest go.

"Ok you guys ready for some more comedy." (Weak applause. The audience is getting tired.) "Who came here to see Taylor?" (stronger applause) "To bad cause he is not next. Next we have a guy who could be a regular for all I know, I don't know. Here is Noah." Some intro huh. So I get on stage and say, "That's how I like to start a set, With all of Taylor's fans hating me." Laugh. And here we go.

"So I am a virgin..." Now if people clap here I have a joke. If people laugh I have a joke. If I get no reaction I just move on.... So I say that and one guy just whistles. I was just confused. And that is what I said... and I should have just moved on. So I do my first big joke... falls kind of flat...Next big joke.... SILENCE... Fuck the new stuff going for the killer ending.... and it does ok.... but I shot my load to early and now I have a minute or more left and just used my best joke. So I bail. FUCK!

Now looking back, I did really well considering the number of comics who just ate it. I could blame Boonie and Rich for tiring out the audience.... so I will. The fuckers!

So now I can enjoy the show cause I am done right.... no, of course not. This is the sick part. I want to do everything in my power to blame the audience for what happened to me. So if anyone is funnier than me and gets good reactions I am going to be pissed.... and I was pissed as some comics did well. Not that I wanted to hate them, but I did. Can't help it.

So Taylor finally goes like number 20 or so. People are leaving it kinda sucks. Than Taylor makes me feel a lot better... about myself.... cause I am not him. Taylor treats us to a list of the most raciest shit I have ever heard. Enjoy this. "I think we should give races to each day of the week. Like Mondays, no one likes Mondays so we will give them to Blacks. Then there is Wednesday, witch is hump day, so I have to give that to Hispanic because they can squirt out kids like no one business. Then there is Thursday, the day before pay day, they call it brake the bank day. I have to go Hispanic for that one." Yeah, someone said these things.

Son now a special thing happens. Now when anyone starts to bomb they do one of two things. 1) Make fun of racist Taylor. 2) Make fun of virgin Noah. You might think that would bother me, but no. People remember my name. That is awesome.

The rest of the night was either not of note or I am to lazy to keep writing. You be the judge. I will say the rest of Skin and Bones performed and that is aways good. Don't know about us jet? Check the Skin and Bones fan page of facebook.